4 Secrets to Diffusing the Human Time-bomb



As we continue our way through 2021, even in a relatively Covid-Unaffected country, we are still rebuilding as an economy with international trade and visitation still limited and economic decisions that don't agree with our business or home life. This along with the conspiracy theories and fear-mongering in the news and on social media is leading to anxiety, frustration, anger, depression and often irrational thinking and behaviours.


As we battle to get back on our feet both economically and psychologically ask yourself


"Am I equipped to deal with the inevitable conflict de-escalation skills to deal with those suffering from high anxiety and stress?"

Simple answer for most people is...NO! This is all very new for some people and dealing with the new high levels of stress either internally or from another person can be very overwhelming and daunting.


So here are my 4 key strategies for dealing with potential conflict;

  1. LISTEN......before you even try and reason with a stressed, highly anxious person, allow them to speak (shout) first. Why? Letting people have their say, allows people to vent, to get their feelings out in the open and in turn starts their own de-escalation process. By airing their opinion they are "vomiting their emotions into the open", getting it off their chest and thus start self-calming. Remember to listen with your body as well as your ears though. Whats does your body language say about your intent to engage in a conversation? Are you arms crossed, are you looking away, distracted? 56% of human communication is body language, over half of your communication is through the way you look, stand and generally appear. Don't interrupt them, conversations get interrupted by teachers, parents, crap bosses, higher ranked military....if you are wanting to appear on the same level as them and to be conversational...DON'T INTERRUPT.

  2. EMPATHISE....There is a huge difference between empathy towards someone and agreeing with them. Someone may have a totally invalid point, off the chart opinion, even offensive, but the fact is, it matters to them and we all have things we are passionate about or believe in. Remember everyone is entitled to an opinion. We can "understand" how people can feel when they are passionate, so empathy relates to the fact they are passionate about something, NOT the content. It shows you're human, it shows you care and it shows you have listened, it creates RESPECT

  3. DEFLECT THE REASON AWAY FROM A PERSONAL STANDPOINT....Ensure that the other person acknowledges where the differing opinion (yours) is coming from. In workplace negotiations it is more often the case that you are the messenger not the preacher. The moment it becomes personal you need to deflect it back onto the origin of the decision. Failure to do this just results in a personal slanging match and one very hard to get back on top of.

  4. OPTIONS.....If you are in the situation where you have to stop or change someones idea, concept, decision or opinion, then you need OPTIONS for them. If you give people a range of alternatives, you are handing them back the possibility of making their own decisions again. They have the ability to affect their future pathway themselves. They feel back in the ascendency. If you slam a door in someones face they are likely to kick it down. If you close one door and open several others, they will walk in a new direction.

L.E.D.O. - Listen, Empathise, Deflect Blame, Options

This of course is a very brief summary of dealing with conflict and I would love to introduce you to further essential skills in conflict management such as


  • Triggers that incite anxiety and aggression

  • The Tap Out Theory

  • Body Language for Subconscious Dominance

  • FEAR and it's debilitating and dominating abilities

  • The Parent-Child paradigm

  • The Human Brain and its hemispheres of behavioural potential

  • Cultural Variations in Body Language and how we can always get it right


There are these topics and so much more I would love to share with you, so get in touch and find out how you can be a "Ninja of Negotiation", a "Clinician of Confrontation" a "Master or People Management".


Contact me: matt@octoberprotection.co.nz 0212477704